Bus travel days and my random thoughts

This isn’t a serious post.Wrote a part of this in a group for fun. Making this a blog post now.This dates back to 2008-2009.

I used to take MTC bus (12G) to college everyday from KK nagar to Luz corner. The 8.15 am bus, always had a bunch of college students from SIET, Presidency and Jain college (TNagar) students.And some regular passengers used to travel. Many of them became familier with me after a while.

Few boys/students from Presidency always used to sing, dance and crack jokes about co-passengers (Not harmful though).They entertained most of the passengers except few college girls and mud aged people who branded them as “local guys” or “thugs”.

I am a person who can never control laughing.Right from chemistry classes to courthalls, i had tough times struggling to control laughter when something was really funny .

I always wanted to be a fun-loving and bubbly person but ended up being an introvert and moody person (Then. Not now.)The way those boys entertained the crew attracted me. But I never expressed.

Those guys never knew my name and they refer to me as “law college” (They knew from the huge books that I carried). They constantly tried to ask my name and develop a friendship with me. But I never replied.

I genuinely felt saying a “hi” and telling my name was not wrong. The warnings that those mid aged people gave and the fake anger that the other college girls showed against them made me take a step behind from talking to them.

During all those 6 months I travelled in the bus I never told my name to them. They never crossed their limits anywhere beyond. Even if I miss their bus, they were least bothered.

I never knew who they were. But I refused to speak to them only because of the judgment of people around me.Even if I had told my name or had a cordial convo with them, nothing would’ve happened as I stopped taking public transport from the following year. Once in a while I feel that i should have spoken to them.

Pesirukkalamo

Self help during tough times – 1

#selfmotivation #revisiting
#goodolddays #rayofhope

It is not possible to feel happy and positive every day. Yesterday is always different from today and tomorrow.

It is completely OK for someone to feel low,  lose hope, stay affected by the negative energy prevailing around us.

Sometimes situations change better in a day. Sometimes we continue to feel this way for days and months together.

Having someone to hear us always is definitely a bliss. But the fact that there is no such person to hear us out unconditionally without any interruption, imposing their opinions and judgmental remarks may haunt us more than our actual worry. I always have a feeling that self help worked more during toughest time than external dependence.

Revisiting good old days always gives me a warm feeling and reinvest the faith in me.

When a beautiful yesterday is not there today, why can’t I have a tomorrow better than today?

Are you sharing your personal pics in social media?

privacy #postingpictures #checkonce #forwomen #misuseofpictures #onlineharassment

These days, updating profile picture and sharing personal pictures in facebook have become common among many women.

During this lock down, many women share their personal, family and children pictures in the name of challenges with hashtags. The samething happens in case of participation in contests conducted by groups and pages.

I am not going to lecture about privacy infringement here. Nor i am going to ask women to stay inactive or refrain from posting pictures. All of us know everything better.

My only request to women is this – Before posting your personal pictures just ask the following simple questions to yourself :

1. Are you aware of the audience who are able to view/download the picture?
2. Are you sure that the persons viewing your picture will not download/ take screenshots / share your picture?
3. Have you informed your parents/ siblings/spouses about sharing of your personal pictures?
4. If not informed, are u ready to face/handle the dissent from your family if they come to know about this?
5. Are you sure that the audience to whom you are presenting your personal pictures will not misuse/ morph them or share them in wrong pages (From meme pages to pornographic pages, wherever you feel it is inappropriate) ?
6. If the above act happens beyond your care and control, will your parents/spouse/family stand by your side and support you to face it emotionally, socially (criticisms from known and unknown people around you ) and legally?
7. Assuming if your family abandons or refuses to support you, Are you ready to emotionally, socially and legally face the misuse of your pictures?
8. If you land yourself in a vulnerable situation like threats/blackmails from strangers, will you be in a position to encounter it?

If you are able to answer “YES” to at least 5 out of the 8 questions, then there is no problem in posting your personal pictures and staying active in social media.

If not, then see if you can take steps to equip yourself in these areas before posting pictures in your page, unknown bigger groups and for contests.

Only those women who answer in negative for the questions raised above become victims of blackmailing or take wrong decisions when subject to online harassment.

Not everyone gets a supportive family. But the other aspects can be developed by the individual.

If the above are not possible, then please refrain from sharing personal pictures at least outside your personal account (In groups, hashtag trends and contests conducted by pages).

P. S : Don’t come up with comments like “why not men? Why only women? ” etc. This piece is written for women only considering the volume of cases in which women are becoming victims. If men are ready to employ the above for themselves , I am happy for that as well.

SAVITHA G.

SUPPORT SMALL BUSINESS/ENTREPRENEURS DURING LOCKDOWN

lockdown2020 #COVID19 #smallbusiness #business #startups #entrepreneur #longpost

I am not an expert to write this, but sharing my opinion here.

Small business houses, startups and entrepreneurs go through an extremely tough phase during this lockdown period is less spoken.
Some of the PRIMARY ISSUES, they may have to address are,

1. Office/factory rent irrespective of usage.
2. Collection of receivables.
3. Salaries/wages to employees.
4. Stagnation of existing stock on account of lack of new orders or purchases
5. Lack of clarity about future on account of the future changes in the business environment.
6. Payable pressure from suppliers/ service providers.

WHAT SUCH BUSINESS NEED TO AVOID?

1. Taking important investment decisions.
2. Terminating of employees or workers during the lockdown period.
3. Sale/transfer of business or alter the existing stake holding pattern.
4. Shutting down the business.
5. Blaming the Government, society and country on the whole.
6. Spoiling the personal peace and happiness of the family.
   WHERE SHOULD BE THEIR FOCUS?
7. Focusing on developing a strong online base for the business.
8. Analyzing the business happened for the last few years and identifying strengths and weaknesses.
9. Creating a business model to strengthen the relationship with the employees and making them to take a small share both in the boom as well as burdens.
10. Learn and understand the law relating to your business, legal compliances that required to be made.
11. Make a simple list of legal compliances to be made, and check if the same are compiled by your business. If not, take time to work on that.
12. Set up an elaborate plan for creating a fund (monthly on annual) after the lockdown period to meet similar emergencies if any in future. If possible chalk out a plan to make your employees to be a part of it.
13. Spend quality time with your family. Explain your business activity to your spouse/parents/siblings/children depending on their age and capacity to understand. Ask for open suggestions and have healthy discussions. Third party views on your future plans will help to a greater extent.

HOW CAN WE HELP SUCH BUSINESSES?

1. If you are a landlord and if the rent from such business unit is not your primary source of income, defer the rent collection for the lockdown period and the collect the same as 2 or 3 installments in the upcoming months.
2. The technique mentioned above can also be applied in cases of employees, suppliers or service providers depending on the situation.
3. If you are a regular earning member and if you owe money to small business units, please don’t utilize this lock down a reason to postpone their payments.
4. If you are own a bigger company/industry and if a small business unit is your regular or retainer supplier/service provider, try to make an advance payment and pre book their services.
5. If you wish to donate/ contribute a bigger amount to people who are in distress, try to identify small business units that manufacture or sell essential items, pay them, procure the stock and donate.
6. If you can contribute only a smaller amount, see if you can pool in funds from people who have similar mindset and procure supplies.
7. If you are a relative/friend of someone who is into a small business or owns a startup, take a minute to check if they are doing fine and see if you can in any form help them.
8. Lastly, if you are a member of the family which depends on such business, please understand, adjust and support the breadwinner. Family may not change the situation outside. But, at this tough time, only the family members can safeguard the mental health of such business people which may be affected on account of business pressure, depression and fear of future.

This is the time for us to support ourselves and support our society. Let us slowly try to view the bigger picture of the problem and try to help as far as possible.

SAVITHA G

#pmaddress #covid19 #april5 #torchlight

Today our PM has requested people of our country to switch on torch lights or light candles/diyas on 5th April to dispel the darkness spread in this situation.

From that minute people started creating memes and sharing posts calling this a stupidity. Let’s not go into that argument.

Who is calling this a stupidity?

1. People who wear T shirts of cricket teams and carry hoardings in support of them inside their own living room staring that they express support.
2. People who upload hundreds of pictures to their status messages expressing birthday wishes to their favourite cinema stars.
3. People who share posts/memes/videos about farmers thinking that by sharing them, they support agriculture and help farmers.
4. People who keep black DP in whatsapp and facebook claiming that the DP change will bring changes in law relating to crimes against women.
5. People who forward messages with the tag “Dont break the chain” in support of a social issue.
6. People who share or update status expressing hatred against an individual knowing fully well that the person to whom it is addressed is not going to see that.

When the above acts can be justified and encouraged as “expression of opinion”, ” showing support”, “positivity”, “ventout”, “strength” or whatever may be, why not this?

No. What our PM has requested us in not the solution to the issue. It is just a collective effort to make ourselves feel positive. If you think it won’t work for you, then it is totally fine. Doing it or not is our choice. Don’t spread wrong information and misinterprete his statements.

Already we are surrounded by lot of negativity around us on account of current situation. If possible let us spread positivity. Or else we can stay silent than to spread negativity.

SAVITHA G

A friendship breakup? -Nothing new

longpost #breakup #friendshipbreakups #fakefriends

We speak, write and share a lot on how to deal with a love failure or a break up in relationship.

But when it comes to failure in friendship, I feel that the importance given by the society is less.

Having a breakup with a friend who is close to heart is equally heartbreaking. That too can cause nightmares. Such break ups can also make you sleep deprived.

When a person faces failure in relationship or marriage, his/her friends come forward to heal him/her. But when it comes to failure in friendship, even our life partner or other friends just ask to take it easy.

Friendship is the essence of life without which life may be meaningless for many. We always want to have friends who love us unconditionally, care for us, hear us when we need them and stand by our side.

But in reality? We may also get people

• Who backstab us and withdraw support when we need..

• Who stay with us just for looks, position, finance and power.

• who get internal boils when they see us growing.
• Who just want someone to ventilate their thoughts and emotions.
• Who always treat you as a “last option” when they don’t have anyone else to meet and anything else to do.
• who use the friendship as a trumpcard to derive material and non material benefits.
• Who always have a fake smile in their lips and have an extremely opposite picture of yourself.
• Who just take a minute to throw you away from their life for some reason irrespective of the respect you give for the friendship.

If you have faced or facing one or more of the above categories in your life, just remember one thing. You are NOT ALONE.

On one hand I have friends who have given and giving their best relationship to me till this date.

On the other side, I faced Loneliness, nightmares, lost sleep, wasted tears, felt cheated, shattered and burnt because of people to whom I gave my friendship.

Few of them left me. Few blocked my number. Few still socialize. Few continue to act. That’s OK. I have no regrets. I don’t want people who come back. I can also smile.

In spite of all the emotional setback, I realized something important . I did not curse them. I had given a smile when I had to. Never felt happy when they faced the same situation. Even while expressing anger, I never used abusive language.Never refused to help them when they came back to me. Never pointed out what they did to me even when they were in the listening position. I remain the same inspite of how I was treated in my past.

I realized one thing – The real challenge when we face break up in friendship or any relationship is not the loss of people. But the loss of yourself.

Whenever we feel lonely, left out or we suffer breakup, we should just turn few pages of the past. In those pages, read those lines alone on how we took efforts to stay the same and remain ourselves. I am sure, this exercise will make us feel powerful, contented and empowered. This helps in healing.

It is OK to give up on someone we love. But it is not OK to give up on Ourself. Let us stay strong and spread love.

SAVITHA G

Section 144 in TN and Chennai crowd

#covid19 #travelling #panicinstate #section144 #letsspreadpositivity #tamilnadu

I see many of you sharing posts about today’s crowd at #Koyambedu bus terminus expressing anger towards people who rushed there to travel to their hometowns. Even I had the same feeling when I saw the pictures.

But we should not forget about the plight of people who have no other choice. Official announcement about #section144 being imposed in Tamilnadu came only today and the same will be implemented from tomorrow.

Thousands of people (bachelors especially) live here in hostels, PG accommodations, mansions etc and stay miles away from their family. What will they do, if their hostels/PG mansions chase them away? What if the hotels/canteens they primarily depend will be shut for next few days (for an undefined period)

Thousands of daily wage workers live here for work and depend on their daily income for their next meal. How will they afford to order food from outside when their work is temporarily suspended? So far no announcement for food/shelter is officially granted for such people.

We can sit back and apply our mind in case of crisis only if we have – Food, shelter and money to spend (At least to meet emergency). If one among these three things are at risk, we may not be able to wait patiently,apply our sixth sense and take an informed decision.

OK. There may be exceptions. No doubts. But the categories of population, that I stated above form a considerable percentage of Chennai population.

Damage done is already done. We cannot reverse it. The real test is identifying #covid at the earliest stage and preventing further spread or damage. We will spread the word maximum and at least try to do that.

If you are one among the person who travelled in last two days, please have a watch on your health and mandatorily isolate yourself from your family members.

Let us also quickly spend a day or two and do a simple check on our friends or relatives who had travelled in last 2 days. Check if they are aware of the symptoms of #covid. Check if they are doing fine healthwise. If they are unaware of the above, share the same. If they have some illness, try to make their family members understand the need to check with doctor. This may take just an hour for us. Mandatorily do this in case of daily wage workers, interested people in your circle if you know that they have travelled and you have their contact .

We are in the crucial state of a national emergency that we would not have even dreamt of before couple of days. So it is not easy to fight it with perfection. Imperfections occur.

Instead of cursing people and blaming government, let us fight this crisis together and spread more positivity.

SAVITHA

#covid2019 #covid19 #coronovirus – Do s and Don’ts

We only share memes and mock at the pre-call automated awareness clips related to coronovirus. But general public need lot more awareness to understand the seriousness of #covid.

Today I had to visit a Registrar office for work. In a small and cramped space, there were about 50 of us sitting/standing for quite a while. Except 2 or 3 of us, none (Including people who had toddlers with them) were cautious to cough/sneeze without covering their nose/mouth.

Only five simple practices were advised by W.H.O to protect yourself from cOVID-19:

1. Wash your hands frequently. (If not possible, sanitize at least).
2. Maintain at least 1 metre (3 feet) distance between yourself and anyone who is coughing or sneezing.
3. Avoid touching eyes, nose and mouth
4. Cover your mouth and nose with your bent elbow or tissue when you cough or sneeze. Then dispose of the used tissue immediately.
5. If you have fever, cough and difficulty breathing, seek medical care early.

In addition to the above, what can be done as a part of exercising social responsibility?

1. Sincerely following the above listed practices.
2. Educating senior members, kids and people who are may not be aware of the above.
3. Take a minute to speak to your security guards, domestic help, office assistants, drivers, conservancy worker who visit us, shopkeepers we know, etc. and explain them on the seriousness of the issue and make sure they follow the above.
4. If you work in or manage a hotel, saloon, travels or any other workplace which involve personal contact, kindly ensure your colleagues wear masks or follow safety precautions.
5. Circulate small notes in simple language to people around us in paper or electronic medium as a small reminder/checklist for them to keep note these things.
6. If possible, make a small donation to this cause in right form and through right medium.

What can be avoided?

1. Sharing fake/unverified news that we get in social media.
2. Sharing memes and jokes, which may dilute the seriousness of the issue.
3. Hosting or participating public programs, gatherings or meetings involving face to face contact.
4. Taking random medication without proper guidance from medical practitioners.
5. Avoid travel as far possible.

Lets take this issue serious.

Is Family Law/Divorce a destructive device?

#divorce #familylaw #failedmarriages #flawedsocialperspective

Everytime when people speak with me about my profession, I always come accross one among the following statements :

1. Family Court is the worst place to practice.
2. Divorce law destroys families.
3. People who take recource to legal proceedings don’t know the value of life, family and happiness.
4. A lawyer who helps in handling divorce cases accumulate negativity and their lives wil be surrounded by negative vibration.

And so on.. Not just now, but even before I joined my school, I came across such statements and for a period, I thought these statements were true. Now I regret thinking that way.

In realtity,

1. There are cases where couples were reunited because of family courts.

2. There are cases where women were safeguarded from physical violence.

3. There are cases where custody of children went to the right parent.

4. There are cases where reponsibility to maintain the children was enforced on the evading parent.

5  There are cases where compensation was granted for the victim in marriage.

And so on.. And there are thousands of cases which allowed men/women to move out of the suffocation they underwent, when they were forced to share the roof with a person who was abusive/non compatible/ and cheating on them.

Divorce or breakdown in a marriage may happen for any reason. If it has to happen, it will. Who are we to judge whether a divorce can be justified or not?

Going for a divorce is not easy. Many parameters need to be considered. But for many, society comes in the top of the list of things to be considered before a Divorce.

Many men/women choose to remain in abusive/unwanted marriage fearing to face the society. And even today, people find it really uncomfortble to confront the society after divorce.

In every decision that a man/women forces themselves to stay in an abusive marriage facing social pressure, we as a society fail miserably.

Exceptions are there everywhere. Judging something just with exceptions alone is not fair.

If we come across someone known to us who is suffering from an abusive marriage, let us try to help in fixing their issues. If the issues are beyond control, as far as possible, let us try to help them come out of the marriage, and support emotionally or otherwise.

If both the above are not possible, let us atleast keep quiet by avoiding discouraging words, judgmental remarks and gossips.

P.S : Nothing like that. Enna comment vandhalum paathukka ready

Savitha G

Continuing crimes and social irresponsibility

#hyderabadincident #crimesagainntwomen #socialshame

When it comes to crime against women, many think that rape is crime against women. But the picture is large. Gang rapes resulting in death, gang rapes not resulting in death, Molestation, sexual abuse, marital rapes, acid attacks, Child sexual abuse etc. So this post is meant for everything.

If we observe closely, from Nirbhaya to Swathi to Asifa to Hasini to Hyderabad incident, we understand which incident comes to limelight and why. Does that mean that injustice happened only to them? Where are the other stories? Why did they go missing?

When we witness such incidents, what we do?

1. Blame the delay in Judicial trials.
2. Blame Police department.
3. Blame politicians
4. Blame corruption.
5. Blame the law
6. Blame the country.
7. Write posts and change black profile picture.

What we fail to do?

1. Having healthy discussions about sex with adolescent son and daughter at frequent intravels. Refusing to identify and address their uncommon behaviour.

2. Ignorance of law, basic procedure right from filing a police complaint to everything. Showing zero interest to atleast help the next generation to learn them.

3. Raising sons with the confidence that his parents will back them whatever crime he does to the society.

4. Slut shaming women who blodly open up on the harrasment they face.

5. Raising daughters with the fear that her family will drown in shame if she comes and reports the harrasment that she faces.

6. Refusing to raise voice against media that objectifies women in various forms. Glorifying movies/TV serials which decribes stalking as heroism.

7. Failure to extend support to fellow women who undergo harrasment. Refusing/evading to accompany her to police station/courts.

8. Discouraging women who take up non-conservative carrers and developing a theory that it is ok for women to be taken for granted when they enter such professions. Ex. Media/modelling.

9. Discouraging victim women and their families to go to police/ court stating that as a shame or waste of time.

10. Lack of physical partcipation or contribution or support to people who work at the ground level and put some sensible effort to bring a social change. Instead calling their initiaves as waste of time / worthless / attention seeking act.

Inflicting death penality for rape convicts is the maximum penality that any law of any country can provide. That is already there in our country.

Death of a rape convict happening anyday is the justice to the victim. No second thoughts. But will it prevent criminals?

If we keep thinking this way and wait for a robinhood without taking a step forward, then we are only going to lose our daughters one after other.

When every woman is harassed, we think that it is failure of the government / police /juduciary. But the unfortunate reality is each and everyone of us fail as a society somewhere or the other. Its is a social shame and everyone of us should take wholehearted responsibility for the same.

SAVITHA G